Winter F00l

怎样判断你的另一半是不是真正适合你的那个人？怎样维持一段成功的恋爱关系？听听专业心理医生的意见。推荐。

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When considering what it takes to make love work, it is useful to look at those who have tried and succeeded as well as those who have tried and failed. Besides observations from my own work, I have included data from The Enrich Couple Inventory, 195 questions developed by David Olson, Ph.D., David Fournier Ph.D., and Joan Druckman, Ph.D., that were administered to 21,501 couples throughout the country. The researchers compared the answers of the happiest couples to those of the most unhappy and found that the differences between their answers to a few key questions tell a lot about what makes love work. If we are willing to be rational about love, we can learn from others' experiences—and perhaps find and maintain a true love even after the initial chemistry fades.

"My partner is a very good listener."

· Percentage of unhappy couples who agree: 18%

· Percentage of happy couples who agree: 83%

"My partner does not understand how I feel."

· Unhappy couples: 79%

· Happy couples: 13%

If you want to feel alone in a relationship, be with someone who hasn't a clue about what you are going through. Or worse, someone who does have a clue but cannot understand why your pain is a big deal. The two of you can be totally different people in a number of ways, but if a partner is sensitive to how you see the world and experience life, then those differences are unimportant.

Ruth, who has been married to Alex for 31 years, puts it this way, "When we got married, nobody thought it would last because we are so different. Alex is from a working-class family; I am Jewish, he is Lutheran—everyone thought it was a non-starter from the wedding day on. But what they didn't know, and what has been the most important thing in our relationship, is that Alex knows how to listen. Really listen. No matter what, he can see how I'm feeling and he can feel for me. Trust me, that solves a lot of problems."

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有意思的答案，当你想记住一件事的时候要集中精力忘掉它？

The answer: don't try so hard to control your thoughts! Instead, see if you can't get your secret preoccupation out in the open. Find a confidante to whom you can confess the idea—or perhaps write about it. Probably, says Wegner, you'll get bored of it fairly quickly, and the pesky thought will die away of its own accord.

Or, instead of following the impulse to get rid of it, says Wegner, just go with it. If you have a song in your head, trying to get rid of it is a great way to make sure it comes back. In this paradoxical therapy, you do the opposite of the thing you want to do. And that, he says, is what ends up being the cure.

全文：psychology today

最近突然发现记忆力有些衰退，哈哈，大概我也快老年痴呆了。

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• Stretch Your Mind. Don't let your thinking gears get rusty. Mental activity strengthens brain cells and neural connections, and may even give rise to new nerve cells. Engaging in stimulating leisure activities throughout your life can reduce the risk of dementia by about half, according to Australian researchers. Reading, writing, completing crossword puzzles, or even visiting a museum produces positive changes in the hippocampus, part of the brain affected by dementia. Mastering a new language is also beneficial: Among bilinguals, the onset of dementia begins some four years later than it does for monolinguals.

  The brain's malleability allows for neural connections to continue to form late in life. Researchers at UC Irvine discovered that short, repeated learning sessions slowed the buildup of a protein in the brain known to lead to plaques and tangles—symptoms of Alzheimer's. The take-away for humans is that it's never too late to begin exercising your mind. Even ordinary activities done in a novel way, such as brushing your teeth with the opposite hand or taking a different route to work can enrich brain cell connections.

• Keep in Touch. A strong network of family and friends can also lower your risk of dementia. Social activity lessens depression and reduces stress levels, which helps maintain connections among brain cells. Volunteering, joining a club, or traveling can add four years to one's life, according to Harvard researchers. It's no surprise then that lonely individuals, in their later years, may be twice as likely to develop the type of dementia linked to Alzheimer's.
• Hit That Treadmill. One of the best ways to care for your mind is to keep your heart healthy. Aerobic exercise improves oxygen consumption, which benefits brain functioning. A brisk half hour walk, bicycling, swimming, or dancing each day promotes good blood flow to the brain and stimulates new brain-cell growth. Such activity lowers the risk of dementia and slows cognitive decline in those who already have dementia. Because of the connection between the brain and cardiovascular system, reducing risks of heart attacks, strokes, and diabetes also protects against Alzheimer's disease.
• Brain Food. Eating an apple a day could keep Alzheimer's away. Apples and apple juice, along with a balanced diet, can protect against cell damage linked to age-related memory loss, according to research from Cornell University and the University of Massachusetts. Fresh apples contain high levels of the antioxidant quercetin; eating at least one a day can help protect brain cells against oxidative stress, a tissue-damaging process associated with Alzheimer's.

  Fresh veggies and fish are just as good for your brain as they are for your body. Eating foods rich in folate, along with the use of supplements, may reduce the risk of Alzheimer's, suggests a report in Archives of Neurology. Folate can be found in spinach, dry beans, peas, fortified cereals, grain products, and some fruits and vegetables. And those who eat fish rich in omega-3 fatty acids (salmon, trout, and albacore tuna) have higher levels of the fatty acid DHA in their blood, which significantly lowers the risk of developing dementia and Alzheimer's.

怀疑可信度。。。

Most people seek a soul mate to love them unconditionally. But those who need such acceptance most—the terminally insecure—often sabotage their own chances at bliss.

When we're feeling low, we often regain confidence through a mate's love and support. Unfortunately, says Sandra Murray, Ph.D., people who suffer from low self-esteem assume that their loved...